Do You Worry?

By Paul David Walker

[dropcaps type=”circle” color=”” background=””]S[/dropcaps]tudies show that most things we worry about never happen. Is this because the worry prevents bad things from happening, or is it just a waste of energy? My first wife always said to me, “I have to worry for both of us.” If worry was an indicator of future events, worry would be more predictive than it seems to be. Certainly, people who worry a lot do not seem happy and often suffer from stress. But are they all saving us from tragedies with their collectiveglobe on man worries?

Can Worry Become A Death Spiral?

Worry is a pattern of circular thoughts focused on a particular event or possibility that makes us anxious. We believe that something might happen in the future, like losing our jobs, and we think about that possibility over and over again. These circular thoughts fill our consciousness and we feel more and more stressed. Our state of mind deteriorates and in some cases nervous breakdowns occur. What happens is our consciousness narrows to focus on a worry and filters out everything else, including pleasant sensations that come naturally with day to day living, like a beautiful morning. Additionally, since we seem to have a need to be right about our thinking, we actually begin to select things that prove our worries are justified. We become taken-up by a worry death spiral.

What Are We Missing Because of Worry?

Since our consciousness narrows and becomes invested in being right about our worries, we miss most everything else. We often fail to connect with the people in our lives who are most important to us. A beautiful day seems dark. As the pattern of worry sets in, even wonderful events in our lives bring on the feeling of impending doom, with thoughts like: this can’t last, this is the quiet before the storm, I don’t deserve this. We also are so focused on our worries that obvious solutions to our problems are overlooked as they appear. We go to work in a bad mood and people wonder what is wrong with us. Someone, maybe our boss, might start to become concerned about our attitude, which may lead to a layoff. Then our mind will say to us, “See you were right to worry, you just did not worry hard enough.”

How Can You Stop Worrying?

The first step in letting go of worry is realizing that thought at best is only an approximation of reality, and at worst can drive you crazy. As a poet, I often try to inspire people by describing the deep beauty of the world we live in, but even with my skill with words it is still just an approximation of the beauty I experience. For example:

reaching for starIt seems to me that there is a deep intelligence within the formless that expresses itself in form. You can call it: The Flow of Heaven, The Life Force, The Grace of God, Divine Intention, The Great Intelligence, The Great Spirit or Natural Intelligence.

This intelligence is continuously expressing itself in form. Everything we see around us has arisen from this intelligence: the trees, flowers, oceans, fishes and, yes, each of us as human beings. We are an expression of creation. This “Great Intelligence” is woven into every fiber of our being and drives life itself. It is always there within you and all around you. If you are consciously aware of this reality, your entire being shines from within and your thoughts are filled with joy and wonder. Collaborating with this intelligence, which literally pulsates within you, creates thoughts and actions that we call an expression of genius.

I can tell you that after years of practice as a writer, though these thoughts may inspire you, it is only an approximation of our perceptions. Realizing that thoughts are only an approximation of reality will change the way we deal with them. If thoughts, like the above, inspire you to higher levels of consciousness and happiness, then they are useful, yet only an approximation. If, like worry, they narrow our consciousness and create stress, then they are useless, if not harmful. Just like you naturally pull your hand from a flame when you feel the pain, learn to let go of thoughts that create psychological pain. As we move our consciousness from our thoughts, natural beauty and grace fills us. We don’t have to do anything but let go of our thoughts and we will begin to feel great. It is nature’s, or creation’s, way of directing us … and yes it is that simple! Try it… test it out for yourself.

Permission is needed from Lighthouse Consulting Services, LLC to reproduce any portion provided in this article. © 2014 This information contained in this article is not meant to be a substitute for professional counseling.

Paul David Walker is a Senior LCS Consultant and one of the few CEO coaches who has worked with numerous Fortune 500 CEOs and their key staff members for over 25 years along with many mid-cap organizations. Some of the organizations that Paul has worked with include Star Kist Foods, Von’s Grocery Stores, New York Life, Anne Klein, Rockwell International countless manufacturing, global utilities, service and consulting organizations. Paul is the founder of Genius Stone Partners, and works with domestic and international companies to improve their bottom line today and planning for the future. Paul is the author of the best selling book, Unleashing Genius and his new book, Invent Your Future – 7 Imperatives for a 21st Century. You can reach Paul at [email protected].

If you would like additional information on this topic or others, please contact your Human Resources department or Lighthouse Consulting Services LLC, 3130 Wilshire Blvd., Suite 550, Santa Monica, CA 90403, (310) 453-6556, [email protected] & our website: www.lighthouseconsulting.com.

Lighthouse Consulting Services, LLC provides a variety of services, including in-depth work style assessments for new hires & staff development, team building, interpersonal & communication training, career guidance & transition, conflict management, 360s, workshops, and executive & employee coaching. Other areas of expertise: Executive on boarding for success, leadership training for the 21st century, exploring global options for expanding your business, sales and customer service training and operational productivity improvement.

To order the books, Cracking the Personality Code and Cracking the Business Code, please go to www.lighthouseconsulting.com.

Success at Work Starts with Understanding

By Ellen & Daniel Borowka – Excerpt from Cracking The Personality Code

Have you ever looked carefully at a seed? It’s really amazing to see what is in a little seed. This may help us to learn more about what is inside of us and those we work or live with. For in some ways, we are much like the seed and its growth process.

A seed is made of an embryo, that is, a baby plant that has all it needs to grow, develop, and blossom into what it was created to be. The embryo has the materials to develop its leaves, stems, and roots to gather needed nutriments from water, light, minerals, and such to produce food and pro-vide support for itself. That’s what we’re like when we’re born. We have all we need to be who we were created to be—all the unique qualities, talents and knowledge that is needed in the world.

The Seed and the Pod

Now the seed has another part that it needs for its growth, and that’s its seed covering or pod. The pod provides protection, support, and nutrition to the seed during the growth process. It provides food for the seed until it can produce food on its own, and protects it from harsh elements in the environment. We also have something similar to the pod in our lives to help protect our seed from harm and support it during our growth process. We tend to look at the seed and pod in much like our true and false selves. The true or real self, like the seed, is the life-giving core of our being. The real self holds all the beauty and light of whom we are—it is the soul of the individual. The true self also has our entire real feelings and thoughts, feelings, and thoughts that may not be acceptable to those around us.

This is where the pod or our false self enters the scene. Like the pod, the false self protects and hides the real self from harsh elements of the environment. The false self responds to the demands, beliefs and possible abuse from our parents or caretakers, family, siblings, peers and other places and people that impact us as we grow. The false self takes on the mistaken beliefs, misguided directions, and sometimes harsh treatment we experience as we are growing up so our true self is never touched. The false self or pod becomes our mask, our facade to the outside world, to conceal and defend our true self, our little seed.

The Pod within Us

The pod, as we become older, begins to be written on by all the things we are told: all our experiences—bad and good—and all the wounds we gather throughout our life. Our pod may have written on it that we are worthless or bad or stupid. We may believe that we are good at certain things, but bad at other things like math or communication. We may think we should not show anger, fear, or pain to others. We may believe that people are not to be trusted or that confrontation is bad. There are many beliefs and ideas that our pod or false self takes in and learns from others. Some might not like the false self, because they think it keeps them from their seed. Actually, though, the pod has kept our seed safe until the time is right for the growth process. Once again, the seed’s growth process can help us to understand our own growth process, our discovery of ourselves.

Preparing for Growth

The seed will only grow and break through the pod when the environmental conditions are right, when there is just the right amount of warmth and moisture present around the seed. If the environment is too dry or has unfavorable temperatures, then the seed will not come out of its pod. This allows the plant to survive during periods when plant growth is not possible. It’s the same for us! Our seed, our real self, is wise and does not allow itself to be in an environment that cannot support it or care for it. So, the seed waits until the time is right—until we are ready and able to have the support, internally and externally, for our seed to grow. This preparation time is very important so we can begin to let go of our pod with all inscribed beliefs and thoughts that do not belong to us and never did.

Some might say they have always been ready to let go of their pod. Yet, it takes honesty and courage to face what is in our pod and to see it is not who we truly are. This means we have to see that those who gave us these beliefs or hurt us were wrong. That is not to say these people were bad, for they learned these misguided ideas from their experiences, too, and they just didn’t know any better. That’s not always easy to accept about our parents, family, or loved ones. This growth process is not easy either. It takes much work, dedication, and willingness to look at some difficult issues.

A Story of Wheat and Weeds

Now, the seed can’t just come out of its pod all at once, but it happens slowly at a gradual pace so that the growth is strong and sure. That means it’s okay to allow elements of wheat2the pod to remain around the seed until you are ready to let go of those parts.

This process is like the story of a man who planted some wheat in his field. Then during the night, the man’s enemy came and planted weeds among the wheat. When the wheat began to come up through the soil so did the weeds and the man’s servants asked him if they should gather up the weeds. The man replied, “No, because while you are gathering up the weeds, you might uproot the wheat with them. Rather, let both grow together. Then at harvest time, we will gather the weeds first, bind them together and burn them. Then we will gather the wheat into my barn.”

In the meantime, if you have an issue written on your pod, like a hot temper or fear of confrontation, you can develop healthy and healing ways to deal with the issue. Then as one grows and discovers more about their seed, the elements in the pod will naturally fade.

Self-Discovery

In the plant’s growth process, first a root comes out of the pod to test the environment and the seed begins to build its root system to support the plant. Then the seed forms its leaves and stem to come up through the soil to the sunlight. That’s what our seed does, too. First, our seed will build a foundation of who we truly are—our values, our ideas, our beliefs—to support our being and growth process. Then when the foundation is laid and our roots are firmly in the ground, we begin to break through the surface and our being self magnifybegins to shine to the world. We discover who we truly are in just the right time and just the right way.

A good exercise to begin or further your awakening process or your team’s is to write down on a piece of paper a list of all that is within your seed and what is written on your pod. You might want to draw and write about these qualities in depth. Look at where the elements of your pod came from, where you learned them, and what triggers these in you. You could also make a collage about your seed and pod using pictures, words, and sentences from magazines and newspapers to get a full picture of your growth process.

Everyone Is Unique

It’s important to recognize and appreciate our unique qualities. It takes effort and persistence to travel through this process, but remember your seed and pod have all they need to do the work. All that is required is already within you, and that’s pretty amazing—just like the plant’s little seed.

Appreciating Personality Diversity

Now that you understand your own personality better, take a look at those who work for you. Wouldn’t it be great if everyone who worked for us had the exact same personalities that we do? No, it would not.

The most effective managers appreciate the diversity of their subordinates’ personalities. That’s the view of Management Professor Scott Williams, a business school faculty member at Wright State University in Dayton, Ohio.

“Personality diversity can make communication and coordination of activities more difficult at times, but diversity has its advantages,” says Dr. Williams. “Diverse groups that give the extra effort to understand and accept each other’s personalities tend to produce higher quality decisions than groups that are either (a) homogeneous or (b) don’t manage their diversity well.”

According to Dr. Williams, appreciating the diverse personalities of the people we interact with helps us to understand why they act the way they do and how to get the most out of them. Appreciating personality diversity means respecting the strengths and limitations of each individual, and knowing how to capitalize on each individual’s strengths.

In his online newsletter LeaderLetter, Dr. Williams states that appreciating personality diversity is the opposite of dogmatically expecting everyone to view situations the way you do—no matter how successful you have been using your approach. We don’t all think alike, but that’s often a good thing.

“People with different personalities have different inherent strengths and weaknesses,” adds Dr. Williams. “For this reason, the best groups are made up of members with diverse personalities who learn to appreciate and put to use each other’s strengths. Managers should promote an appreciation for personality diversity. Discussions of personality inventories, especially when facilitated by an expert, can be an effective way to foster such appreciation.”

Before you use in-depth work style assessments for self evaluation or to manage others, you need to select the right instrument. The profile needs to include areas that explore problem solving and stress patterns, leadership and organization style, things to guard against and probing questions to assist with the self evaluation process.

Permission is needed from Lighthouse Consulting Services, LLC to reproduce any portion provided in this article. © 2014 This information contained in this article is not meant to be a substitute for professional counseling.

Dana Borowka, MA, CEO and Ellen Borowka, MA, Senior Analyst of Lighthouse Consulting Services, LLC with their organization constantly remain focused on their mission statement – “To bring effective insight to your organization”. They do this through the use of in-depth work style assessments to raise the hiring bar so companies select the right people to reduce hiring and management errors. They also have a full service consulting division that provides domestic and international interpersonal coaching, executive onboarding, leadership training, global options for expanding your business, sales and customer service training, operational productivity improvement, 360s and employee surveys as well as a variety of workshops. They have over 25 years of business and human behavioral consulting experience. They are nationally renowned speakers and radio personalities on this topic. They are the authors of the books, “Cracking the Personality Code” and “Cracking the Business Code”. To order the books, please visit www.lighthouseconsulting.com.

If you would like additional information on this topic or others, please contact your Human Resources department or Lighthouse Consulting Services LLC, 3130 Wilshire Blvd., Suite 550, Santa Monica, CA 90403, (310) 453-6556, [email protected] & our website: www.lighthouseconsulting.com.

Lighthouse Consulting Services, LLC provides a variety of services, including in-depth work style assessments for new hires & staff development, team building, interpersonal & communication training, career guidance & transition, conflict management, 360s, workshops, and executive & employee coaching. Other areas of expertise: Executive on boarding for success, leadership training for the 21st century, exploring global options for expanding your business, sales and customer service training and operational productivity improvement.

Is Your Relationship in Troubled Waters?

By Ellen Borowka

Are you having problems in your relationships? Then perhaps conflict and communication is not being handled well. This article may be able to provide some ideas for healing your relationship with your partner as well as to harmonize your other relationships. These thoughts can assist you in pinpointing problem areas in your relationships.Stormy ship

Relationships commonly have certain conflict and communication problems that prevent a couple or even a friendship from relating in a healthy and supportive manner. There are four basic problem areas that people find themselves struggling with in their relationships.

1. Withdrawal is a pattern in which one partner shows an unwillingness to get into or stay with important discussions. Withdrawal can be as obvious as getting up and leaving the room or as subtle as tuning out or shutting down during an argument. However, if conflict is likely to escalate to the point of physical violence, then withdrawal is necessary to keep both partners safe. If physical violence is a part of your relationships, we urge you to seek help. The flip side of withdrawal is the partner who feels impelled to pursue the withdrawn partner. This starts an endless cycle where the more one partner pursues, the more the other withdraws and on and on.

2. Escalation occurs when partners negatively respond back and forth to each other, continually upping the ante so that conditions get worse and worse. Negative comments spiral into increasing anger and frustration, hostility mounts and partners will often try to hurt each other by hurling verbal (and sometimes physical) weapons. Escalation can be very subtle – voices don’t have to be raised for this vicious cycle to begin. Softening one’s tone of voice, focusing on feelings vs. issues and acknowledging the partner’s point of view are powerful ways to short circuit escalation.

3. Invalidation is a pattern in which one partner subtly or directly puts down the thoughts, feelings or character of the other. Sometimes such comments, intentionally or unintentionally, lower the self-esteem of the targeted person. Invalidation is extremely damaging to a relationship and leads to mistrust and alienation. It is one of the best predictors of future problems and relationship breakdown for it is toxic to the well being of a relationship. Showing respect for each other, ownership of feelings and underlying issues and emphasis on validation is some ways to prevent invalidation. Remember that you don’t have to agree with your partner or friend to validate him or her.

4. Negative Interpretations occur when one partner consistently believes that the motives of the other are more negative than is really the case. Negative interpretations are very destructive, in part, they’re hard to detect and counteract after they have become cemented into the fabric of a relationship. The old saying, “ You believe what you see and see what you believe” is very true of this problem. One who negatively interprets the actions of the other will look for proof to back up their beliefs. This problem needs to be confronted within one’s self, which can be very hard. To do this, first ask yourself, are you being overly negative in interpretation of your partner’s actions? Second, look for evidence that is contrary to the negative interpretations you usually use. And finally, ask yourself if there may be any personal reasons for maintaining this pattern. Perhaps you learned a certain style of thinking while growing up or maybe there’s another reason. Self-reflection can be difficult, but helpful in uncovering unresolved issues.

Now that you have had a chance to learn about the basic problems in relationships, set aside some time to explore the patterns within your relationships. Study each problem area and look at your relationships. Are you and your partner or friend interacting in these patterns? Ask yourself when, how, and why do these patterns arise in your relationship? What feelings are coming to the surface and are there any other feelings beneath those? Think about what issues or situations might be triggering these patterns and what you or your partner might feel you both are accomplishing with these patterns. Finally, where did you learn these patterns and how has that impacted the way you relate to others? It’s important to write down detailed answers to these questions. If you and your partner feel comfortable, answer these questions separately then discuss them together.

Additionally, effectively managing conflict is important to maintaining the relationship. First, take time-outs when an argument becomes destructive, and reschedule the discussion to a better, and hopefully, calmer time. Time-outs should be at least 30 minutes long, though some individuals find taking up to 24 hours to be helpful in calming the mountains & lakesituation down. Don’t allow the conflict to become destructive as that can severely destroy the trust and love in the relationship. Second, establish a conflict contract between your partner and yourself on what is okay and not okay during an argument. Be specific in your contract. Some points to consider: No name calling, blaming, hitting, throwing things or threatening to break-up in anger. Finally, practice active listening with your partner or friend, where each of you take turns listening and paraphrasing what you understand the other is saying. This will help the both of you to develop empathy so you can understand why you each feel the way you do.

It’s not easy to look at these issues. In fact, it can be rather scary to look at the troubled waters that your relationships have sailed into, but I hope these ideas will help you to get closer to calmer waters. If your relationships are severely distressed, do not wait until it is too late to get help. There are people available to help you whether that be your clergy, friends or a counselor. Support from others is so important when working through difficult relationship problems.

The above article contains some modified concepts from the book, “Fighting for your Marriage” by Drs. Howard Markman, Scott Stanley and Susan Blumberg.

Permission is needed from Lighthouse Consulting Services, LLC to reproduce any portion provided in this article. © 2017 This information contained in this article is not meant to be a substitute for professional counseling.

Ellen Borowka, MA, Senior Analyst of Lighthouse Consulting Services, LLC and her organization constantly remain focused on their mission statement – “To bring effective insight to your organization”. They do this through the use of in-depth work style assessments to raise the hiring bar so companies select the right people to reduce hiring and management errors. LCS can test in 19 different languages, provide domestic and international interpersonal coaching and offer a variety of workshops – team building, interpersonal communication and stress management. Ellen has over 20 years of data analysis and business consulting experience and is the co-author of the books, “Cracking the Personality Code” and “Cracking the Business Code”. To order the books, please visit www.lighthouseconsulting.com.

If you would like additional information on this topic or others, please contact your Human Resources department or Lighthouse Consulting Services LLC, 3130 Wilshire Blvd., Suite 550, Santa Monica, CA 90403, (310) 453-6556, [email protected] & our website: www.lighthouseconsulting.com.

Lighthouse Consulting Services, LLC provides a variety of services, including in-depth work style assessments for new hires & staff development. LCS can test in 19 different languages, provide domestic and international interpersonal coaching and offer a variety of workshops – team building, interpersonal communication and stress management.

Faith Doesn’t Panic

By Boaz Rauchwerger

[dropcaps type=”circle” color=”” background=””]A[/dropcaps] very special person in my life shared an amazing thought the other day: Faith Doesn’t Panic.

That thought seemed to go along with another similar one that I read in Dale Carnegie’s book: “How to Win Friends and Influence People”. That one stated: All Things Go towoman at helm Teach Us Faith.

Let’s take a closer look at the word Faith. Isn’t it believing in something that cannot be seen?

Some people might say that they cannot believe in something they cannot see. To which I respond: What is it that they are breathing? Can they see air? Even though they cannot see it, they trust and believe that it will be there when they wake up each morning.

Whether you’re religious or not, faith is an important element in each of us achieving more peace, happiness, contentment, good health, and success in our lives.

And the point above (Faith Doesn’t Panic) is profound when it comes to the many challenges that life presents to each of us. My mother, who had a very positive attitude despite the loss of her large family in the Holocaust, taught me to be calm under fire. She ingrained into me the feeling that faith was an anchoranchor that could hold a ship when tossed in a violent storm.

There have been many times in my life, when things seemed to fall apart, that I instinctively wanted to panic. Like the three times that I almost died. Like the time I spent a fortune to produce an infomercial that I thought would do great actually bombed. Like the time I spent a lot of money helping to build a company, only to have the owner take out a fortune and ruin the opportunity.

We all have our list of those moments, don’t we? However, my mother’s theory about being calm under fire, and my strong faith, helped me get through those moments. In essence, she was saying that Faith Doesn’t Panic. Most people want to panic when things go drastically wrong. It’s a natural, but counter productive, reaction.

According to my mother, what good will that do to panic? In most cases, it will not undo what happened. Her theory was to look for a point of action. What small step could be taken in a positive direction to improve the moment?

Sometimes, when we’re very upset about an outcome, a small step might be to simply take a walk. Or it might mean calling a friend and cheering them up. I know what you may be thinking, “Boaz, you want me to cheer up somebody else when I’m upset?” Exactly right. Often, when we get out of our moment, and make someone else feel good, that action tends to help us feel better.

handseedAnd, as the other thought above states: All Things Go to Teach Us Faith. The lesson there is the fact that in every challenge there is usually the seed of an equivalent or greater benefit. That thought comes from the Napoleon Hill’s book, “Think and Grow Rich”.

Let’s look for the lesson in those moments that we want to panic. Maybe it was meant for us to learn never to do that same thing again. Or, perhaps a different way to do it next time. There is usually a lesson and, when we recognize it, it often teaches us to simply have more faith.

If you’ve had a challenge dealing with moments that made you panic in the past, I suggest you post the sign “Faith Doesn’t Panic” where you can see it every day. Touch it regularly and let it touch your mind and your heart.

A Faith Affirmation

I turn to faith when challenging moments occur.

Permission is needed from Lighthouse Consulting Services, LLC to reproduce any portion provided in this article. © 2014 This information contained in this article is not meant to be a substitute for professional counseling.

Boaz Rauchwerger is an internationally known high performance coach. Over a 30-year span, Boaz, author of The Tiberias Transformation – How To Change Your Life In Less Than 8 Minutes A Day, has conducted thousands of seminars internationally on goal setting and high achievement. He has taught over half a million people how to supercharge their lives, their careers and how to add Power to their goals. His innovative program, for individuals and corporations, is a simple and highly effective process for high achievement. Boaz produces a popular high performance newsletter that is e-mailed to thousands of people worldwide each week. and now it is an internet TV show, Boaz Power TV . Boaz can be reached at 619-723-3007 or through e-mail at: [email protected], or his website, www.boazpower.com.

If you would like additional information on this topic or others, please contact your Human Resources department or Lighthouse Consulting Services LLC, 3130 Wilshire Blvd., Suite 550, Santa Monica, CA 90403, (310) 453-6556, [email protected] & our website: www.lighthouseconsulting.com.

Lighthouse Consulting Services, LLC provides a variety of services, including in-depth work style assessments for new hires & staff development, team building, interpersonal & communication training, career guidance & transition, conflict management, 360s, workshops, and executive & employee coaching. Other areas of expertise: Executive on boarding for success, leadership training for the 21st century, exploring global options for expanding your business, sales and customer service training and operational productivity improvement.

To order the books, Cracking the Personality Code” and “Cracking the Business Code, please go to www.lighthouseconsulting.com.

 

Understanding Executive Coaching

By Steve Zuback

[dropcaps type=”circle” color=”” background=””]P[/dropcaps]icture yourself in your office getting ready for your monthly management team and you are thinking about the team and its members…

– Well… my VP of Sales needs to become a VP. He’s great at sales but can’t seem to manage or lead as the VP. I need to get him to where he needs to be to be effective.
– My CFO is terrific at the technical aspects of the position, but she is damaging the executive team with her attitude.
– What else? I have to decide what to do about the head of facilities. He’s abusive and is creating a lot of turnover. He’s acting like a jerk but we need him and we need him to change his behaviors.
– Overall, I think I have a good team. They’re all very talented, but with all that’s going on in the business, they need to become more aligned and refocused as a team, and more creative on driving the business forward.

Each of the executive team members is an asset to your organization, and yet each needs development to become even more successful in their individual and team roles. What is the best way to support their growth and development, so individually and as a team, they become more effective so the aspirations, goals and objectives of the executive team and organization can be achieved or surpassed?

Best Method to Support Growth

Some organizations attempt to develop executives through attendance in costly and time consuming classes and seminars. This approach often fails because classes and seminars do not allow for discussion of individual issues and concerns. Nor do classes create in-depth individualized learning; nor do they provide the accountability needed to bizkeysensure the full and continuing use of the newly acquired information and skills. This is important because in the “whitewater” of today’s business world, executives, without the reinforcement of a coach, quickly revert to their traditional ways of operating.

Others use internal mentoring programs. These types of programs can be effective if they are well thought out with set criteria for selecting and training of the Mentors, standards are set to define the relationship between Mentor and Mentee, time is allocated for the meetings, the purpose of the mentorship is clearly defined for the Mentor as well as the Mentee and the program is well managed. The company’s culture needs to be one that will support a mentoring program so the Mentor and Mentee can operate effectively as a unit within the context of the organization.

Often some companies hire a management consultant believing the consultant can show and give the executive what she or he needs to do. The consultant assumes the role of expert, providing answers, but usually does not develop or teach the individual executive and/or team.

Finally, more companies are utilizing executive coaching. Executive coaching can be, and I believe is, the most effective modality for ensuring the growth and development, and transformation of an individual executive, team, or business from a financial, learning, and growth perspectives.

What is Executive Coaching?

There’s been a lot of ‘buzz’ about executive coaching. Business Week, Harvard Business Review, Consulting Psychology Journal, the New Yorker and other publications have all published articles about it. CNN has interviewed leading coaches. Notwithstanding all of the printed and other media coverage, there still remains a lack of clarity and understanding about executive coaching. First, lets look at what coaching is; then how is it applied in business to executives and managers.

I believe and define coaching as…a confidential, collaborative, non-linear process of inquiry and exploration that creates self-efficacy with long-term excellent performance, and supports the continued growth and development of an individual or group/team. The Coach and Client, based on trust, respect, and the freedom of non-judgmental communication, mutually design the coaching relationship and shape the process of their meetings.

Given this definition of coaching, then executive coaching can be defined as…engaging coaching with an executive or key contributor in a position of power and responsibility within the organization who is accountable for developing and implementing complex strategic and operational decisions, which have great impact on the organization and the industry within which it operates.

Coaching executives, key contributors and teams involves a significant element of personal exploration. Executive coaching, by its nature, asks the executive to explore and become aware of how she or he thinks, learns, works, connects with others, manages frustration and expectations, and interprets the world. Given this, one may think that executive coaching is the ‘touchy-feely’ side of business; but, in reality, it is a strategic initiative for creating and developing an executive’s or team’s effectiveness and excellence. It induces the executive to look for and consider new perspectives of operation internal and external to the organization. An organization, team or individual cannot expect a different result if new ideas, perspectives, and the methods of operating are neither sought nor tested.

An element of executive coaching which sets it apart from other forms of coaching is the use of a confidential multi-rater (360º) assessment. This tool allows an executive, or team, to get much-needed unadulterated feedback from their superiors, their peers, and subordinates on how she or he operates in the organization as leader and/or manager so effective and rapid transformational change can occur.

How is Executive Coaching Different from Management Consulting?

Executive coaching is unique from business and management consulting. In much of the business and management consulting we see today, the consultant is contracted by the organization to conduct research, or produce a product or piece of work for the organization. The deliverable is developed and handed-over to the client outside, and independent of, the type of relationship between the parties. In most forms of business and management consulting, the relationship is needed between the consultant and the Client to obtain, manage, and keep the business, but not to produce the outcome. However, in executive coaching the relationship, mutually designed by the Coach and the Client, which is based on mutual trust and respect with the non-judgmental freedom of expression between the two, must exist for coaching to take place.

What is the Role of an Executive Coach?

The role of an Executive Coach is to assist the Client to grow, develop, and engage new perspectives without judging her/him or offering external dicta, ideas, systems and solutions on his/her career, or life. He/she assists the Client in moving forward without imposing the Coach’s personal pre-determined specified outcomes. The Coach consciously and actively listens, challenges the Client’s assumptions and current ways of operating in the organization and in the world, asks probing questions, provides new perspectives, ideas and tools for growth, guidance, and gives the Client clear and unambiguous feedback. The purpose of the relationship between Coach and Client interaction is to hold the Client’s attention and focus on the desired outcomes and to assist the Client to plan and to stay clear and in action.

Is Executive Coaching like Therapy or Counseling?

Executive coaching is different from therapy or counseling, though some of the techniques used in cognitive-behavioral therapy are used in executive coaching. In many forms of therapy or counseling, the relationship between therapist and Client is not one of mutual design. Rather, the therapist defines the relationship, which is to heal a diagnosable psychological state. Executive coaching, on the other hand, requires a mutually designed relationship that exists to assist the Client creates and implement actionable plans for self-development and learning as well as professional and personal fulfillment. Coaching can and is be used concurrently with therapy. They are not mutually exclusive modalities.

What is the Executive Coaching Process?

The executive coaching process ordinarily consists of four phases.

Phase 1: Pre-assessment and Contracting
In Phase 1, meetings are held with the appropriate leadership of the organization sponsoring the coaching, the executive-client, and with the executive-client’s manager. The objectives are to clarify the purpose of the coaching, discuss time frames, initial goals and outcomes, define success, review reporting relationships and schedules, establish rapport and build confidence in the process with the sponsor and executive-client, clarify reporting procedures and obtain commitments for participation in the taking of assessments, including a confidential multi-rater (360°) instrument. At this phase of the process, the executive coach and /or the sponsoring organization may decline to work together.

Phase 2: Assessment
In this phase, on an as needed basis, interviews are scheduled between the Coach and the manager, peers and others of the sponsoring organization to understand the culture of the business, as well as its norms, and success factors, in order to construct a complete portrait of the Client or group/team. The Client or group/team participates in the appropriate assessment(s) including the confidential multi-rater (360º) assessment.

Phase 3: Action Planning and Implementation
Here, goals and accountabilities are discussed and milestones are set. Action plans are developed with observable and measurable outcomes. A pre-set meeting schedule is established between the Coach and the Client.

Phase 4: Closure and Follow-up
In Phase 4, the Coach, and the Client, provide a summary of the accomplishments and an evaluation of the process. Also, the Coach identifies the remaining developmental needs, and, if appropriate and desired, identify an internal advisor for the Client or team.

Why and When is Executive Coaching Used?

Usually organizations use executive coaches when: an executive (or team) needs or wants to change methods of operation, when an executive takes on a new role, when the application of newly learned critical skills is vital, when the executive has to become more effective in her/his job and role, develop or enhance leadership, and/or modify existing man watering2problematic behaviors. Moreover, it is used because it is very cost-effective since it provides a highly focused, ‘rifled’, method for the development of an executive, or team who has the most value to add to the organization. Research shows the return to be as high as five times the investment. Coaching creates accountability, is flexible and works with the strengths of the individual so greater results occur faster.

Coaches are used: to assist executives develop new paradigms and perspectives of leadership and management to support the organization in all stages of its life-cycle; when healthy and successful inter-personal relationships are not being built or maintained; when change needs to be better managed and understood; when creativity and innovation is lacking or missing; and when key employees need to be retained and successors need to be prepared for their new role and position.

In addition, CEOs and other senior executives use it to get unadulterated feedback, so they stay at their most optimal level of performance. Executives also use coaching to eliminate what has been called the ‘paradox of leadership.’ The ‘paradox of leadership’ basically states the higher one rises in the organization the less accurate and less honest is the information they are given about their style of leadership or management and their behaviors and capabilities. Executive Coaching, with its multi-rater assessments, gives executives what they and the organization need; more clear, honest, accurate information so they can be more effective and better decisions can be made.

In closing, executive coaching is being used by more and more CEOs, executives, and teams. They see it for what it is: a clear and focused strategic initiative and investment in an executive’s, team’s, and organization’s strategic growth and development. It is a way to excellence.

Checklist for Selecting an Executive Coach

Like any other professions, not all coaches are equal. Since executive coaching is a meaningful investment in the time and money of the organization and the executive-client, I suggest the sponsoring organization and executive-client look for the following in selecting an Executive Coach. Each is as important as the other so the list is not in a priority order.

♦ Training and development as a Coach: Executive coaching are is very demanding mentally and physically and requires the acquisition of a body of knowledge, sets of skills and techniques, and experience in applying them. It is important to look for someone who has at least completed work with a reputable school of Coaching that has a star gazinghistory of excellence and hand-on practicum.
♦ Coaching principles: The Coach can articulate his/her coaching process and the underlying principles and philosophies that govern the coaching. Ascertain if the prospective coach works exclusively as an executive and business coach or as a consultant; and determine how and when these different modalities will be used.
♦ Knowledge: The Coach needs to have excellent knowledge in the use and interpretation of various personal, multi-rater, and behavioral assessments. In addition, she or he should be learned in personal growth, change and transition, adult development and learning, group/team behavior and dynamics, leadership, and organizational processes and systems. A Coach works with a Client in the context of her/his work, the organization, and other life systems within which she or he operates.
♦ Referrals: Most experienced Coaches have and work through referrals. Ask for former clients and call them.
♦ Wisdom: This doesn’t mean that the Coach need be a content expert. Rather, a Coach has to be learned and have wisdom. S/he needs to have excellent hands-on knowledge and experience in business and understand how it operates; leadership; management; applicable theories and models; assessments; as well as the life and experience needed to help the Client create and navigate her/his own path of learning and development in the work/life context.
♦ A Coach is a life-long learner. The coach needs to be on his own path of learning and development.

I have not mentioned certification as a coach as a critical and relevant factor in selecting an Executive Coach. This is so because, I believe, with the multiplicity of existing coach certifying bodies (at least 6 that I can think of) and schools of differing training methods and philosophy (at least 7+) one can find it difficult to readily discern which certification is most relevant and credible, and which coach training school is significant and meaningful. Therefore, I tend discount certification as a key determiner for coach selection.

In addition, many companies that sponsor executive coaching, and the company executive/client who will be working with a coach, usually and misguidedly, believe it is most important to have the client like the coach. I suggest this be rethought. Most executive coaches agree that a Client doesn’t have to first like the Coach. Rather the Client needs to first trust, respect, and feel safe enough with the Coach to freely express him/herself without being judged. When that happens, then ‘liking’ the Coach usually follows.

Permission is needed from Lighthouse Consulting Services, LLC to reproduce any portion provided in this article. © 2014 

Steve is President of zubackcrc an international executive and business coaching practice that provides executive and business coaching to CEOs, Presidents, entrepreneurs, business owners, senior executives and executive leadership teams on leadership, executive development, executive effectiveness and succession/career management. Steve effectively coaches CEOs and COOs, CFOs, senior executives, including sales and marketing executives, engineers, legal counsel, and teams on, growth and executive development challenges, role effectiveness, executive development, business/strategic plan development, leadership, succession, M&A, and organizational alignment. Steve’s progressive and diverse experience includes work with companies on cultural integration, corporate re-structuring, leadership and executive development, intra-preneurship, entrepreneurship, organizational development, employee and management development, executive coaching, executive selection and placement, as well as labor-management relations. For more information, you can contact Steve at 661•253•0286 or by email, [email protected].

If you would like additional information on this topic or others, please contact your Human Resources department or Lighthouse Consulting Services LLC, 3130 Wilshire Blvd., Suite 550, Santa Monica, CA 90403, (310) 453-6556, [email protected] & our website: www.lighthouseconsulting.com.

Lighthouse Consulting Services, LLC provides a variety of services, including in-depth work style assessments for new hires & staff development, team building, interpersonal & communication training, career guidance & transition, conflict management, 360s, workshops, and executive & employee coaching. Other areas of expertise: Executive on boarding for success, leadership training for the 21st century, exploring global options for expanding your business, sales and customer service training and operational productivity improvement.

To order the books, “Cracking the Personality Code” and “Cracking the Business Code” please go to www.lighthouseconsulting.com.

Empathy: The Hidden Treasure

By Ellen Borowka, MA

[dropcaps type=”circle” color=”” background=””]E[/dropcaps]mpathy is essential to how we relate to others and to ourselves. How we respond to the feelings and needs of others as well as to our own. Yet for many people, empathy is frequently forgotten in the busyness of daily life. Many search far and wide for answers to their troubled relationships and troubled lives when the answer lies within them. Empathy is at the core of what we know as love and without empathy, love is empty and lifeless. What is passion, friendship, or bizwomanplantingromance without empathy? It would be just a shell, a shallow expression without the depth of compassion. To understand this great treasure, we need to delve into what empathy is all about and what it means for you and me.

The dictionary defines empathy as, “…the capacity for experiencing as one’s own, the feelings of another”. In other words, empathy is a deep connection of heart to heart where one experiences another’s existence and reality in life. Empathy is the glue that bonds us together. There is an old saying that you cannot truly understand a person until you have “walked a mile in their moccasins” – until you can see what they see, hear what they hear, feel what they feel. This is not at all easy. We’d all like to think that empathy comes to us automatically, but it is a skill that needs to be practiced again and again. And in a world, where pain and anger is repressed and buried; where loving one’s self is for many a difficult or impossible task; where wounds and scars from the past seem to never heal – it can be very hard to have empathy not only for others, but even more for ourselves.

You may wonder what empathy has to do with relating to one’s self. Empathy cannot exist without both sides of the coin: how you relate to others and how you relate to yourself. Not only is it important to have empathy for others, but empathy for one’s self is even more vital. For self-empathy supports and activates empathy for others. There’s another old saying, “Love thy neighbor as thyself”. I used to hear that statement and think I could love my neighbor, but loving myself was impossible. I just couldn’t see anything worthy to love about myself. Yet, the problem is that if you can’t love yourself then it is very hard to truly love another. Why? How can you offer something to others, that you cannot give to yourself? Oh yes, we can care about others without loving ourselves, but this caring, this love, would be missing something. It would lack the depth, the sparkle, the realness of a great treasure – empathy. When one is unable to love one’s self then it is difficult to venture outside of our fragile world into someone else’s or extend compassion that we have not for ourselves.

So, where do we start to have empathy for ourselves and for others? Well, when we want to bake a cake or make lasagna, we usually look at what ingredients are needed. So, we’ll start by looking at the ingredients needed for empathy. I see empathy as having two main ingredients. The first is respect – respecting the needs, feelings, and thoughts of the other. Respecting the boundaries and the whole person of the other. It’s hard to have compassion for others, if there is little respect. It is the same for one’s self. It is important to have respect for yourself – your needs, feelings, thoughts and boundaries. That means taking care of yourself and your needs – valuing your feelings and ideas – keeping your boundaries strong, yet flexible with others. Patience is a big part of respect – being patient with another’s pacing and ways of doing things – being patient with your own pacing and how you do things. When you are patient, you are respecting the flow and the pathway of life.

The next is intimacy, which is a small word that means so much. The bottomline of intimacy is reaching out and risking the pain and perhaps rejection, that is part of human interaction. It means pulling down the defenses alittle to connect with another. The flip side is intimacy with one’s self where you reach inward to connect with your inner self. This again, can be painful for the inner self holds not only all the light and beauty of your being, but also carries the hurt and anger of the past. A big part of empathy is accepting and caring about the bad with the good in others and in ourselves. Intimacy not only involves connection and risk, but also the willingness to experience the feelings of others as well as our own feelings. To have intimacy and empathy, we have to be willing to feel the pain, the fear, the anger, and the sorrow inside and outside of us. None of this is easy – it takes great searching and resolving within.

Now that we have an idea of what empathy entails, we can look at some ways we can have it be a greater part of our lives. First, we’ll start with ways to develop empathy and love for yourself. Create a list of all your good qualities, skills and talents as well as your faults, flaws and imperfections. If you need help, especially with listing your good qualities, ask a dancing peopleclose friend for feedback. Then take the list and each day focus on a good and a “bad” quality. Here comes the hard part – try to love both qualities (easier said than done, huh?). Be proud, excited, and appreciative of your strengths, as you would be of someone else’s good points. Accept and have compassion and patience for your weaknesses. Again, you may need to ask a friend or a counselor to help you with this exercise. Self-love is not something that is modeled well in our society and families, so it takes lots of hard work and effort. Writing, art and music are all good ways to explore your qualities. Drawing, painting, collages, journeling, poems, stories, songs are helpful to describe and detail the process – the feelings, ideas and past/present events associated with both qualities. Try to see and understand how both qualities are a part of your character and needs love from you. This may begin to clear out self-hatred and allow self-love to blossom.

Once you have developed self-empathy then you are ready to work on empathy for others. A good way to practice this is by improving your listening skills. A good empathic listener talks very little and hears not only the words, but also what is beneath the words of another. Practice listening to others and paraphrasing what they say. This helps you to understand where they are coming from as well as validating their feelings. Try to be in their shoes – what are they feeling? What are they seeing? What is their life like? What have they dealt with in their life? Practice with a friend or loved one where you each take turns listening and validating each other. You’ll find these can be very deep and rewarding conversations. Empathy is a special treasure for as you give it away to others, you’ll discover even more will be given back to you.

Permission is needed from Lighthouse Consulting Services, LLC to reproduce any portion provided in this article. © 2014 This information contained in this article is not meant to be a substitute for professional counseling.

Ellen Borowka, MA, Senior Analyst of Lighthouse Consulting Services, LLC and her organization constantly remain focused on their mission statement – “To bring effective insight to your organization”. They do this through the use of in-depth work style assessments to raise the hiring bar so companies select the right people to reduce hiring and management errors. They also have a full service consulting division that provides domestic and international interpersonal coaching, executive onboarding, leadership training, global options for expanding your business, sales and customer service training, operational productivity improvement, 360s and employee surveys as well as a variety of workshops. Ellen has over 15 years of data analysis and business consulting experience and is the co-author of the books, “Cracking the Personality Code” and “Cracking the Business Code”. To order the books, please visit www.lighthouseconsulting.com.

If you would like additional information on this topic or others, please contact your Human Resources department or Lighthouse Consulting Services LLC, 3130 Wilshire Blvd., Suite 550, Santa Monica, CA 90403, (310) 453-6556, [email protected] & our website: www.lighthouseconsulting.com.

Lighthouse Consulting Services, LLC provides a variety of services, including in-depth work style assessments for new hires & staff development, team building, interpersonal & communication training, career guidance & transition, conflict management, 360s, workshops, and executive & employee coaching. Other areas of expertise: Executive on boarding for success, leadership training for the 21st century, exploring global options for expanding your business, sales and customer service training and operational productivity improvement.

Boundaries: Finding a Balance of Power

By Dana Borowka, MA, Ellen Borowka, MA and Nancy Croix

[dropcaps type=”circle” color=”” background=””]B[/dropcaps]oundaries have an important place in our relationships, our family, the work place, and all aspects of daily life. When there is confusion over boundaries, we tend to run into many issues that need to be dealt with.scale

What are boundaries?

The dictionary defines boundaries as, “Something that marks or fixes a limit (as of territory)”. In essence, boundaries help us to determine where ‘I’ end and ‘you’ begin. Where are my limits? What are my needs? What are the rules or guidelines for our relationship? Some may resist the idea of guidelines… claiming that they are too rigid or stifling. Leading us to another question, why should we have boundaries?

Lack of boundaries tends to create much uncertainty and misunderstandings that can lead to chaos, anger and pain. Without boundaries, people can feel taken advantage of or invalidated or not heard by the other person. A lack of respect can grow in the relationship, and then feelings of hurt, resentment and anger can develop and fester beneath the surface. Yet, what are we really searching for? Bottom line: a relationship that is NOT based on respect and empathy is a hollow relationship. One that is without substance, depth or true love. I think we search for a place; a relationship to trust that we know will be safe, supportive and lasting. Boundaries ensure that.

What do we need for boundaries?

• Communication – Boundaries that are well communicated can set the tone for a healthy environment where everyone clearly knows where they stand. This enhances honesty, trust, and an atmosphere where issues can be worked through. Guidelines need to be negotiated and clearly communicated so everyone involved knows what is expected of them. What are the requests and concerns? What’s ok and what’s not? It’s also important to define for yourself what is acceptable or not acceptable from others. Is there a relationship or situation that you are tolerating, yet underneath you feel pain, anger, disrespect? Then you may have not defined for yourself where the limits are. What is the cutoff point? If you don’t communicate your boundaries, then you are staying in a situation that is not healthy.

We always have our options open when we communicate what we want or need. A friend told about me about a simple example. She had some friends over for a BBQ. She and another friend had set up the table inside the house. However, others wanted to eat outside. Even though my friend wanted to eat inside, she started to go along with the group until her friend mentioned that she was going to eat inside, as it was too cold outside for her. Her friend then mentioned that everyone else could eat where they would like to. That made my friend realize that just because she puts out what she wants, doesn’t mean that she’s stepping on something that someone else wants. We don’t have to give in or go along – we all have options as long as we communicate.

• Consistency – Being consistent with your boundaries is important too. If you insist on someone being respectful to you in one instance, but not in another, then you lose their respect in the end. Just as discipline for a child needs to be consistent, so too do boundaries. If there is confusion or ambiguity, then the discipline doesn’t stick. The same is true for boundaries. Another essential part of consistency is if we expect others to respect our boundaries, we need to respect theirs as well. As they say, it’s a two way street. A few months ago, we went to an Elton John/Billy Joel concert, which was great fun. Elton sang one of his old favorites, Someone Save My Life Tonight. I realized that someone has to Ask to be saved. Otherwise, we are not being respectful of the other person’s pacing, wants or needs.

• Facing reality – Part of establishing boundaries is facing the reality of your relationships. Boundaries often strengthen and enhance relationships. However, there are relationships that are not healthy and the true colors will be exposed one way or another. There comes a point where we need to be able to face the sacrifice or the potential downside of putting down limits. While in college, I was struggling to deal with family conflict. I went to a college counselor for some advice. I laid everything out that was going on in my family and wanted to be able to just let the conflict and pain roll off my back like water off a duck. He said something very helpful (though I didn’t realize it at the time), “It’s not easy to kick against the pricks and not say “Ouch!” In other words, I wanted to stay in an unhealthy situation and not feel the pain and anger. Sometimes, the best thing we can do is to respect our boundaries and understand when to make changes or let go.

• Conflict – Why is it so difficult to talk about boundaries? What are we really afraid of? In a word: Conflict. It is helpful to develop some level of comfort with conflict and disagreement. Some have a need to have others see things their way. Some find it very difficult to disagree with another for fear of hurt feelings or facing their anger. Yet, we all need to be able to find some way to handle conflict. To be able to say, Ok, we don’t agree on this, but this is my boundary… my limit. Let’s find a way to work with this.

• Respect – We need to respect differences and limits. Without respect, is there a relationship? … what foundation is there without respect? A friend once told me that to expect something of someone else in a relationship that they can’t fulfill is not fair to them. I can see that could be true for many expectations, but without respect, there is no relationship and one must move on or accept that as part of an unhealthy relationship.

Putting the puzzle together

We looked at communication, consistency, reality, conflict and respect in connection to boundaries. These are all aspects needed for a relationship, and boundaries keep them from puzzlegetting out of hand. We can also look at them as pieces to a puzzle. When you first start putting a puzzle together, the pieces are upside down, turned over and hidden. This can leave you feeling overwhelmed and not sure where to start. Everybody has different tactics. Some like to start with the frame and then work in small portions. Others start from the center or wherever they feel comfortable. There are many ways to go about solving issues. The key is recognizing the issue, setting guidelines that are realistic and achievable, and working together to bring resolution. Boundaries help us get back on track quicker, so we can appreciate each other, learn from the experience and enjoy life together.

What boundaries would you like to set up… starting today? Now it’s your turn to create a change in your life, if you are ready for it. Or to accept that you have situations that you are comfortable with using your current boundaries. Either way you have created your own destiny. We wish you the best in discovering your boundaries, and hope that you have the courage to change those that you wish to change.

Permission is needed from Lighthouse Consulting Services, LLC to reproduce any portion provided in this article. © 2014 This information contained in this article is not meant to be a substitute for professional counseling.

Dana Borowka, MA, CEO, Ellen Borowka, MA, Senior Analyst and Nancy Croix, Senior Operations Administrator of Lighthouse Consulting Services, LLC with their organization constantly remain focused on their mission statement – “To bring effective insight to your organization”. They do this through the use of in-depth work style assessments to raise the hiring bar so companies select the right people to reduce hiring and management errors. They also have a full service consulting division that provides domestic and international interpersonal coaching, executive onboarding, leadership training, global options for expanding your business, sales and customer service training, operational productivity improvement, 360s and employee surveys as well as a variety of workshops. They have over 25 years of business and human behavioral consulting experience. They are nationally renowned speakers and radio personalities on this topic. They are the authors of the books, “Cracking the Personality Code” and “Cracking the Business Code”. To order the books, please visit www.lighthouseconsulting.com.

If you would like additional information on this topic or others, please contact your Human Resources department or Lighthouse Consulting Services LLC, 3130 Wilshire Blvd., Suite 550, Santa Monica, CA 90403, (310) 453-6556, [email protected] & our website: www.lighthouseconsulting.com.

Lighthouse Consulting Services, LLC provides a variety of services, including in-depth work style assessments for new hires & staff development, team building, interpersonal & communication training, career guidance & transition, conflict management, 360s, workshops, and executive & employee coaching. Other areas of expertise: Executive on boarding for success, leadership training for the 21st century, exploring global options for expanding your business, sales and customer service training and operational productivity improvement.

Are You an Innovator or an Implementer?

By Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D.

[dropcaps type=”circle” color=”” background=””]I[/dropcaps]nnovation is necessary to solve problems, create new products and services, to use our time more effectively and most importantly, to grow. We often confuse creative ability with artistic ability. We believe truly creative people are those we see on the big screen, singers on the radio, or those on stage. This is a serious misconception.

litebulb treeWe each have creative ability. Have you enjoyed the experience of witnessing an auto mechanic who makes your car sing? Or the surgeon who operates with the intuitive ability of a Michelangelo? We have the ability to take our work, our companies and lift them to new levels, those of an art form. We have all seen the most creative geniuses as work – they are creative investors, marketing gurus, R & D specialist; have you ever needed an extremely creative accountant?

Creativity involves the ability of our brain to change, renew and recombine aspects of our lives. Creativity involves using our sixth sense, or intuition, to perceive the world and make use of our discoveries.

We are often afraid to try new ideas, as we develop attitudes about creativity that can keep us stuck in our world of safety. Attitudes like: It’s not important. I don’t have time. I already have the answer. I’m not creative. These cause us to miss opportunities that we find in an ever -changing world. When we become stuck, we run the risk of being quickly left behind.

What are we to do if we are not naturally gifted with creativity and intuitive ability? I believe that intuition comes from a part of the mind that brings ideas to consciousness. When we are in touch with our intuition, we are given a gift in being able to sense trends, danger and potential problems. It’s an unspoken dialogue within ourselves that serves us well, when we learn to trust it. Most of us have had the experience of “not listening to our gut”. We would have been better off if we had. Intuition points us in the direction we need to follow. Our intuition takes place when we are in touch with ourselves, we know it is working when things make sense all of a sudden – memories, fantasies and the sixth sense we pick up from other people.

The issue with creativity is not always knowing the right answers, but knowing the right questions. As a leader, it is not our job to have the answers. It is our job to question the answers. This is tough for most entrepreneurs to accept. Because of our personalities we rarely display the patience to coach our people. It is far easier and quicker to give them the answers.

The Goldsmith Innovation/Implementation Index (G3I) determines how innovative we are and how well we implement. The personalities with the strongest levels of creativity are often those who are inflexible and do not deal with others very well. Ludwig von Beethoven, Thomas Edison and Winston Churchill are all examples of those who have tremendous creativity; just don’t expect them to be warm, friendly, accommodating and cooperative. Creative people have a vision in mind, their difficulty is expressing it to others. They frustrate themselves, as well as others, with their inability to effectively communicate. If you would like to find out if you are an “Innovator” or an “Implementer,” the G3I is available for free on my website at: http://www.bartongoldsmith.com/G3I.php.ladder to litebulb

The advantages and disadvantages of both “Innovators” and “Implementers” are equally weighted. Each is capable of running a business and creating wealth, but those with higher scores tend to be less able to work for someone else. What we have seen with the 10,000 business owners who have taken this survey is that those with higher scores tend to be in start up and riskier businesses or investments. Those with lower scores tend to be in second and third generation family businesses and are more conservative investors. The entrepreneur tends to be more innovative than a corporate CEO, these results could be a predisposition (nature) or a result of personal experiences (nurture). The ability to learn and apply new thinking is more of an innovative process while the ability to learn and apply new tasks is more of an “Implementer.” High “Innovators” tend to have more disadvantages and advantages than high “Implementers” do — this means that “Innovators” have a more complex personality than “Implementers” do, they tend to have more traits, both better and worse. Other notable differences are that “Implementers” have the ability to attend to detail in ways that “Innovators” sometimes find impossible. Also the incidence of Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) is much higher in “Innovators” than “Implementers”, at a ratio of eight to one. This sub group also tended to be the most successful Entrepreneurs, as most had two or more income streams or businesses. The “Innovators” also confessed to being C/B students, where the “Implementers” were B/A students, most likely because of their ability to deal with detail.

Here are some tips for greater innovation:

  1. Get in touch with your intuition. What does your inner voice say about the situation? Rather than dealing with a situation strictly from an objective standpoint, stop and try to listen to your gut feeling.
  2. Try something new. Open yourself to new ideas by looking at the situation from someone else’s point of view (ie: your client, Walt Disney, Einstein, etc.), “How would they improve this?” “What would they do to ‘tweak’ it?”
  3. Find new avenues for creativity. Do something totally outside of your box. Make a commitment to try something new once a week, once a month or even once a season.
  4. Allow yourself to make a mistake. Not an easy thing to do, but give yourself the freedom to mess something up. The reason most of us become successful is because we’ve made lots of mistakes. In my business people don’t get fired for failing, they get fired for not trying.
  5. You don’t always need to know all the answers, so give yourself a break from such high standards. Find some Masterminds (people who know more than you do) and ask them some questions. Don’t waste time trying to reinvent the wheel.
  6. Be curious about things. Train yourself to ask open-ended questions rather than giving answers. If you really want a creative answer… ask a child.

Finally, a thought from Dana Borowka, CEO of Lighthouse Consulting Services, LLC (www.lighthouseconsulting.com), that hiring the right people is key to innovation and future growth. If you would like additional information on raising the hiring bar, please click here to see an article on this subject.

We hope you have fun with this article and taking the Goldsmith Innovation /Implementation Index (G3I) to discover your own creativity and internal resources.

Permission is needed from Lighthouse Consulting Services, LLC to reproduce any portion provided in this article. © 2014

For more than two decades Fortune 500 companies, educational institutions, and government organizations worldwide have relied on Dr. Barton Goldsmith to help them develop creative and balanced leadership. He is a highly sought-after keynote speaker, business consultant and author. Since 2002, his weekly column, Emotional Fitness, which is syndicated by Scripps Howard News Service, and has been featured in over 200 newspapers. He is also currently writing a weekly blog for Psychology Today. Dr. Goldsmith has published Emotional Fitness at Work – 6 Strategic Steps to Success Using the Power of Emotion, the third in the Emotional Fitness book series and his most recent book, 100 Ways to Boost Your Self-Confidence – Believe in Yourself and Others Will Too. Dr. Goldsmith also hosts a weekly radio show on KCLU/NPR, with nearly 90,000 listeners in Los Angeles, Ventura and Santa Barbara. He has been interviewed on numerous TV/radio shows and for many publications. He can be contacted through his website at: www.BartonGoldsmith.com or at (866) 5-BARTON.

If you would like additional information on this topic or others, please contact your Human Resources department or Lighthouse Consulting Services LLC, 3130 Wilshire Blvd., Suite 550, Santa Monica, CA 90403, (310) 453-6556, [email protected] & our website: www.lighthouseconsulting.com.

Lighthouse Consulting Services, LLC provides a variety of services, including in-depth work style assessments for new hires & staff development, team building, interpersonal & communication training, career guidance & transition, conflict management, 360s, workshops, and executive & employee coaching. Other areas of expertise: Executive on boarding for success, leadership training for the 21st century, exploring global options for expanding your business, sales and customer service training and operational productivity improvement. To order the books, Cracking the Personality Code and Cracking the Business Code please go to www.lighthouseconsulting.com.

Appreciation

By Ellen Borowka, Nancy Croix & Steven Zuback

[dropcaps type=”circle” color=”” background=””]A[/dropcaps]ppreciating life and those around us can be difficult. We get focused on the challenges of the day and the days just fly by! Before we know it, a year has passed and then another and another! A while ago, a friend passed away in a plane crash. She was a great sailing buddy and someone that was so sailboatsfull of life. Our friend used to call whenever she was in the area to see if we were available to have lunch or dinner with her. At those times, we would think in the moment that we had so much to do, that to take time away to spend time with our friend would be difficult. Usually, we would find ways to make the time and now we are glad we did. It can be hard to stay focused on the moment and not get distracted by the future or the past. To truly appreciate the people and what we have around us, rather than just plodding through each day. Yet, how do we do that? How do we stay focused on what is really important in life and not get sucked into the little details of the day?

  1. Make priorities and look at where your time is spent. What is truly important to you? Look around and think deeply about what and who really matters to you? Break that down to categories, like spouse or significant other, family, passions or hobbies, and so on. Then look at how you break up your day and give each responsibility or task a percentage of your time. Then look at both lists – does the time spent match up to what you hold as highest priorities? If not, then you may have to findman with piechart ways to make changes to rearrange your time or your life. Another friend of ours has a very busy travel and work schedule, but he makes his family a priority. As such, he makes sure to rearrange or schedule his travel around coaching his children’s soccer games. Is it easy? No, but that is what is really important to him. When making these changes, be sure to be specific on what you plan to change.
  2. Find ways to manage the little things. Sometimes when we need to focus on the important things in life, we need to also take care of the little pesky things. It’s rather like being on a wonderful cruise, but you get distracted from the great views by annoying little bugs! Look back at how your time is spent and think about what you do well that plays to your strengths and what doesn’t. Whereas, we may excel in certain areas, we may struggle with other areas. That can eat up time and cause us to feel frustrated. So, find ways to manage those areas. For example, if you are not good at organization then find systems and/or people that can assist you in that area. Ask for feedback on how to leverage your time, so you don’t get bogged down by things that do not relate to your strengths.
  3. Discover avenues to appreciating life. Using your priority list as a guideline, fit the important things into your daily life. For example, if you love doing things that are creative, then look for ways to express that like setting time aside to do craft projects or gardening. Sometimes, the important things or people in our lives get pushed down on the priority list, but we need to find ways to fit those things in that bring us passion and energy.
  4. Expand your horizon. Along the same line, look for ways to expand your vision. Is there something you always wanted to do, but put off – maybe because you thought you might fail? Perhaps it is time to find a way to do it. You might have to get support or information from others to do what you dream of. I have some friends devote their time regularly to a hunger project and travel to places to help people in poverty to enhance their lives. It is quite inspiring to talk with them about what they do, where they go and who they meet!
  5. Showing your appreciation for others. The simplest things can make us feel really good inside. So, how can we show our appreciation for others and help them to feel good inside? Some ideas could be: holding the door open for another; letting someone into your lane while driving; offering assistance to a co-worker that is overwhelmed with their people with flowerworkload; or baking or making a dish for a neighbor or friend that might need some extra support or just because you are thinking of them. Even complimenting a person on their outfit can make them feel really good inside. If someone is having a bad day, the smallest positive comment can be hugely appreciative. Most of the time, we don’t even realize how much we’ve touched someone when we have helped them or showed some compassion.

Appreciation does not always come easily. It comes from making the choice to appreciate life, others, and ourselves. Just as the old saying goes of the glass being half empty or being half full, so too is the perspective on appreciation. Many times, we need to make a conscious decision to see the positive, to see the opportunity or the good around us. It’s not always the easy decision to make, especially when the circumstances or the people around us are difficult. Yet, from appreciation we find the good in life and without that life can look pretty bleak and hopeless. Where we come from and where we are going springs forth from our perspective on life. So, it becomes very important to look around you and take the time to appreciate the opportunities and challenges that life presents.

Permission is needed from Lighthouse Consulting Services, LLC to reproduce any portion provided in this article. © 2014 This information contained in this article is not meant to be a substitute for professional counseling.

Steve is President of zubackcrc an international executive and business coaching practice that provides executive and business coaching to CEOs, Presidents, entrepreneurs, business owners, senior executives and executive leadership teams on leadership, executive development, executive effectiveness and succession/career management. Steve effectively coaches CEOs and COOs, CFOs, senior executives, including sales and marketing executives, engineers, legal counsel, and teams on, growth and executive development challenges, role effectiveness, executive development, business/strategic plan development, leadership, succession, M&A, and organizational alignment. Steve’s progressive and diverse experience includes work with companies on cultural integration, corporate re-structuring, leadership and executive development, intra-preneurship, entrepreneurship, organizational development, employee and management development, executive coaching, executive selection and placement, as well as labor-management relations. For more information, you can contact Steve at 661•253•0286 or by email, [email protected].

Nancy Croix, Senior Operations Administrator and Ellen Borowka, MA, Senior Analyst of Lighthouse Consulting Services, LLC (LCS) with their organization constantly remain focused on their mission statement – “To bring effective insight to your organization”. They do this through the use of in-depth work style assessments to raise the hiring bar so companies select the right people to reduce hiring and management errors. LCS also has a full service consulting division that provides domestic and international interpersonal coaching, executive onboarding, leadership training, global options for expanding your business, sales and customer service training, operational productivity improvement, 360s and employee surveys as well as a variety of workshops. LCS consultants have over 25 plus years of business and human behavioral consulting experience. Ellen is the co-author of the books, “Cracking the Personality Code” and “Cracking the Business Code”. To order the books, please visit www.lighthouseconsulting.com.

If you would like additional information on this topic or others, please contact your Human Resources department or Lighthouse Consulting Services LLC, 3130 Wilshire Blvd., Suite 550, Santa Monica, CA 90403, (310) 453-6556, [email protected] & our website: www.lighthouseconsulting.com.

Lighthouse Consulting Services, LLC provides a variety of services, including in-depth work style assessments for new hires & staff development, team building, interpersonal & communication training, career guidance & transition, conflict management, 360s, workshops, and executive & employee coaching. Other areas of expertise: Executive on boarding for success, leadership training for the 21st century, exploring global options for expanding your business, sales and customer service training and operational productivity improvement.